http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UCZF_UnG10&NR=1
Prototips:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
anekdotes
-
Viensjaanis
- Forums - otrās mājas
- Posts: 590
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 2:00 pm
- Location: Rīga,Imanta
Re:anekdotes
SAAB 9-3 SE 2002 stock 150hp
Re:anekdotes
Vēl labāk būtu to redzēt, kad tas nonāktu J.C. un R.H. varā :D
Live as you should die tomorrow, learn as you would live forever 
Re:anekdotes
Šitais ir labaisdevushka v avtosalone :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Toyota RAV4, LPG&Kellys Lagon
Re:anekdotes
Jaunie Bausli
1. Ekziperi komplekss: Mēs esam atbildīgi par tiem, kurus laicīgi neesam
pasūtījuši.
2. Nodarbošanās darbavietā ar muļķībām attīsta sānu redzi, dzirdi un modrību
kopumā.
3. Ja Tev spļauj uz muguras, priecājies - tu esi priekšā.
4. Neatliec uz rītu to, ko var neizdarīt šodien.
5. Dāvinātai naudai ūdenszīmēs neskatās!
6. Lai tavi darbi neatšķirtos no vārdiem, klusē un neko nedari.
7. Izpildot ienākuma deklarāciju, neaizmirsti ailē "APGĀDĀJAMIE" ierakstīt
"VALSTS".
8. Valdība problēmas nerisina, viņa tās finansē.
9. Saudzējiet dzimteni - atpūtieties ārzemēs!
10. Absurds - tā ir subjektīvās loģikas adekvāta attieksme pret objektīvās
pasaules neadekvātajām parādībām.
11. Būtu tik nauda, pantu vienmēr atradīs...
12. Valsts ieņēmumu dienests: - Tas, ka jums ir nauda, nav jūsu nopelns, bet
mūsu nolaidība.
13. Sekundes simtdaļa - tas ir laiks starp luksofora zaļā signāla iedegšanos un
automašīnas signālu aizmugurē.
14. Nezodz! Valdība nemīl konkurentus!
15. Ko sēsi, to kaimiņš pievāks...
16. Smadzeņu šūnas dzimst un atmirst, bet tauku šūnas dzīvo mūžīgi
17. Tur, kur beidzas neveiksmju svītra, sākas kapu teritorija.
18. Kurš putniņš agri ceļas, agri visus izbesī!!!
19. Viena galva - labi, divas - nesmuki.
20. Cilvēki izdomāja spoguli, lai nav jāmetas četrrāpus pie peļķes katru reizi,
kad gribas saķemmēt matus.
21. Ja jums ilgi nezvana radinieki vai draugi, tas nozīmē, ka viņiem iet labi.
22. Ticējums: Ja jums notiek autoavārija, izkāpiet un apskatieties: Ja sasists
priekšējais bampers, uz nelaimi. Ja pakaļējais - uz naudas iegūšanu!
23. Vakariņas ar svecēm, brokastis ar ugunsdzēšamajiem aparātiem...
24. Ja jūs domājat, ka visiem viss ir vienalga, pamēginiet pāris reizes kaut kur
nesamaksāt.
25. Pīpēt kaitīgi, dzert - pretīgi, bet nomirt veselam arī kaut kā žēl...
26. Dzīve ir kā sēdēšana pie interneta - jēgas nav, bet aiziet arī negribās.
1. Ekziperi komplekss: Mēs esam atbildīgi par tiem, kurus laicīgi neesam
pasūtījuši.
2. Nodarbošanās darbavietā ar muļķībām attīsta sānu redzi, dzirdi un modrību
kopumā.
3. Ja Tev spļauj uz muguras, priecājies - tu esi priekšā.
4. Neatliec uz rītu to, ko var neizdarīt šodien.
5. Dāvinātai naudai ūdenszīmēs neskatās!
6. Lai tavi darbi neatšķirtos no vārdiem, klusē un neko nedari.
7. Izpildot ienākuma deklarāciju, neaizmirsti ailē "APGĀDĀJAMIE" ierakstīt
"VALSTS".
8. Valdība problēmas nerisina, viņa tās finansē.
9. Saudzējiet dzimteni - atpūtieties ārzemēs!
10. Absurds - tā ir subjektīvās loģikas adekvāta attieksme pret objektīvās
pasaules neadekvātajām parādībām.
11. Būtu tik nauda, pantu vienmēr atradīs...
12. Valsts ieņēmumu dienests: - Tas, ka jums ir nauda, nav jūsu nopelns, bet
mūsu nolaidība.
13. Sekundes simtdaļa - tas ir laiks starp luksofora zaļā signāla iedegšanos un
automašīnas signālu aizmugurē.
14. Nezodz! Valdība nemīl konkurentus!
15. Ko sēsi, to kaimiņš pievāks...
16. Smadzeņu šūnas dzimst un atmirst, bet tauku šūnas dzīvo mūžīgi
17. Tur, kur beidzas neveiksmju svītra, sākas kapu teritorija.
18. Kurš putniņš agri ceļas, agri visus izbesī!!!
19. Viena galva - labi, divas - nesmuki.
20. Cilvēki izdomāja spoguli, lai nav jāmetas četrrāpus pie peļķes katru reizi,
kad gribas saķemmēt matus.
21. Ja jums ilgi nezvana radinieki vai draugi, tas nozīmē, ka viņiem iet labi.
22. Ticējums: Ja jums notiek autoavārija, izkāpiet un apskatieties: Ja sasists
priekšējais bampers, uz nelaimi. Ja pakaļējais - uz naudas iegūšanu!
23. Vakariņas ar svecēm, brokastis ar ugunsdzēšamajiem aparātiem...
24. Ja jūs domājat, ka visiem viss ir vienalga, pamēginiet pāris reizes kaut kur
nesamaksāt.
25. Pīpēt kaitīgi, dzert - pretīgi, bet nomirt veselam arī kaut kā žēl...
26. Dzīve ir kā sēdēšana pie interneta - jēgas nav, bet aiziet arī negribās.
Re:anekdotes
Katrā valstī ir savi izņēmumi ;) !
Re:anekdotes
"Your Ass Is Hungry":laugh: Nu tie komentāri....:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Normally aspirated engine is like never ending turbo lag 
9-3'99 Project "Griff"
9-3'09 TTiD AT Wagon, Stg 0.5
9-3'02 SE TD04 Convertible
9-3'99 Project "Griff"
9-3'09 TTiD AT Wagon, Stg 0.5
9-3'02 SE TD04 Convertible
Re:anekdotes
:laugh:
Normally aspirated engine is like never ending turbo lag
9-3'99 Project "Griff"
9-3'09 TTiD AT Wagon, Stg 0.5
9-3'02 SE TD04 Convertible
9-3'99 Project "Griff"
9-3'09 TTiD AT Wagon, Stg 0.5
9-3'02 SE TD04 Convertible
Re:anekdotes
Pārspīlēti, bet bieži atbilst īstenībai:
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN:
1) Pull into Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000-miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a hot cup of coffee and relax.
3) 20-minutes later, write a check and leave with a well-maintained vehicle.
MONEY SPENT:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
TOTAL: $21.00
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree; write check for $50.
2) Go by Qwik-Stop and buy a case of beer; write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Drink a beer to "get started."
4) Jack car up. Spend 30-minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, have another beer.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16" box-end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent-wrench instead.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Accidently drop drain plug into pan of hot oil, splashing hot oil on you in process.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on oil drops.
13) Another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30-minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing hot oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among debris in trash can to avoid environmental fee. Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in backyard instead of taking it to be recycled, and avoid environmental fee.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all Saturday.
21) Walk to Qwik-Stop, buy more beer.
22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Suddenly remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Recall that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard - along with drain plug.
27) Beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift through oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kid's sandbox to cleverly conceal oily patch of ground and avoid environmental fee. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil.
30) Beer.
31) Crawl back under car, get kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily gas rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug rapping knuckles on sharp edge of frame.
32) Bang forehead on exhaust manifold in reaction to step 31.
33) Cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10-minutes.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and head, and apply bandages to stop blood flow.
3Cool Beer to stop pain....
39) .... Ditto.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil from step numbers 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Pulled-over and arrested for DUI.
48) Car towed and impounded
49) Call loving wife; make bail.
50) 12-hours later; bail out car.
MONEY SPENT:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2,500.00
Towing Fee $175.00
Impound Fee $75.00
Bail $1,500.00
Beer $40.00
TOTAL: $4,340.00
BUT , YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT ! ! !
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN:
1) Pull into Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000-miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a hot cup of coffee and relax.
3) 20-minutes later, write a check and leave with a well-maintained vehicle.
MONEY SPENT:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
TOTAL: $21.00
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree; write check for $50.
2) Go by Qwik-Stop and buy a case of beer; write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Drink a beer to "get started."
4) Jack car up. Spend 30-minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, have another beer.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16" box-end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent-wrench instead.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Accidently drop drain plug into pan of hot oil, splashing hot oil on you in process.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on oil drops.
13) Another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30-minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing hot oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among debris in trash can to avoid environmental fee. Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in backyard instead of taking it to be recycled, and avoid environmental fee.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all Saturday.
21) Walk to Qwik-Stop, buy more beer.
22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Suddenly remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Recall that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard - along with drain plug.
27) Beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift through oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kid's sandbox to cleverly conceal oily patch of ground and avoid environmental fee. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil.
30) Beer.
31) Crawl back under car, get kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily gas rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug rapping knuckles on sharp edge of frame.
32) Bang forehead on exhaust manifold in reaction to step 31.
33) Cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10-minutes.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and head, and apply bandages to stop blood flow.
3Cool Beer to stop pain....
39) .... Ditto.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil from step numbers 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Pulled-over and arrested for DUI.
48) Car towed and impounded
49) Call loving wife; make bail.
50) 12-hours later; bail out car.
MONEY SPENT:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2,500.00
Towing Fee $175.00
Impound Fee $75.00
Bail $1,500.00
Beer $40.00
TOTAL: $4,340.00
BUT , YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT ! ! !
Re:anekdotes
Kads amerikanu IDIOTS to ir sarakstijis ? :angry:
Par $20 pat atbilstosa daudzuma saulespuku ellu nevar nopirkt.
Par $20 pat atbilstosa daudzuma saulespuku ellu nevar nopirkt.
Re:anekdotes
Ja būtu rakstīts USD 200, tad Tev ticamības moments nebūtu nozagts? :evil:ZingZeng wrote:Kads amerikanu IDIOTS to ir sarakstijis ? :angry:
Par $20 pat atbilstosa daudzuma saulespuku ellu nevar nopirkt.
Re:anekdotes
A minerāleļļu!? :)ZingZeng wrote:Kads amerikanu IDIOTS to ir sarakstijis ? :angry:
Par $20 pat atbilstosa daudzuma saulespuku ellu nevar nopirkt.
Re:anekdotes
Pirmkart var, jo tur dolāram ir cits svars, otkārt var jo tur naftas izstrādajumiem ir citas cenas, treškārt var, jo liela daļa amerikāņu savos autiņos lej minerāleļļu, ceturtkārt skat. Yukki... :)ZingZeng wrote:Kads amerikanu IDIOTS to ir sarakstijis ? :angry:
Par $20 pat atbilstosa daudzuma saulespuku ellu nevar nopirkt.
